Lies, Damned Lies, Statistics ... and Nigerian Scams

Although the quote has been variously misattributed to others, it was Benjamin Disraeli who said, "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

To that should be added Nigerian scams. If you've been on the Internet for more than a couple of hours, you know about those. They're the get rich quick schemes that require advance money transfers, so that relatively modest "fees" of only a few thousand dollars may be paid to secure the ultimate delivery of millions in free wealth.

Of course, it's probably not true that all of these outrageous absurdities are perpetrated by actual Nigerians.

But here's one that is. The Tide is the official government newspaper for Rivers State, Nigeria. It has an online version, available in hilariously fractured English. However, reading the news in The Tide is a sobering experience. Nigerians are raping and killing one another, cheating and robbing one another, and mangling and dismembering one another in countless automobile collisions - all at alarming rates.

As the newspaper pointed out recently, the causes of these Nigerian calamities are not the "mystical forces" many citizens insist on blaming. Instead, it's ... wait for it ... "Indecent Female Dressing." And we now have statistics to prove it!

Interspersed between the article about the "bizman" who has two functioning penises and other articles detailing multiple bus fatalities are the regular government-supported exhortations for women to dress more conservatively. Most recently, this article in The Tide touts a dubious survey that has "revealed" that "over 45 per cent of rape cases recorded in the country are traceable to the alarming rate of indecent dressing among female youths, especially those in institutions of higher learning."

The article goes on to blame so-called "indecent dressing" for "60 per cent of police assaults and mis-identification cases, 40 per cent broken marriages and 35 per cent of domestic road accident."

Who knew?

Meanwhile, the article quotes Comrade Vincent Ekemezie, the president of Nigeria's National Association of South East Students in Tertiary Institutions, as having declared that "about 70.5 per cent of students, especially females, go about their different activities virtually nude."

Wow! While North American naturists continue wrestling with the challenge of mainstreaming naturism and puzzle endlessly over questions of how best to involve women and younger people, it seems Nigerians have figured it out already.

Statistically speaking, of course.